Screw You Cancer

Friday 24th October

• A diagnosis of bilateral Breast Cancer
• Bilateral Mastectomy
• Auxillary Lymph Node Clearance (left side) 
• 6 rounds of Chemotherapy
• 108 Steroids
• 42 anti sickness tabs
• More painkillers than I care to imagine
• 15 sessions of Radiotherapy........

And here I am on my last day of active treatment.

The final day of treatment is a strange day. I asked the Radiographer if I would get a prize, a certificate, a bunch of flowers, anything? But no, they just wave you goodbye and that's it. I wanted to say "hang on, you've chopped off my tits, pumped me full of poison, blasted me with harmful rays and I don't even get a f***kin lollipop!!!!" but instead I smiled politely and said "thank you".

Those of you who know me well, know about the circumstances in which the lump was found. I am incredibly lucky and thankful (and a little bit spooked by it) as my story could have been very very different. 

For those who are wondering if I am now in "remission", well..... the cancer was removed during surgery and the rest of the treatment was to kill off any rogue cancer cells hanging around my body. How do we know if all the cells have been killed? We don't, we just presume they have been. The term "remission" is not used in Breast Cancer, instead they use "NED" No Evidence of Disease. I have not been told that I am NED yet. I presume I will be told when I next see my Oncologist. 

And so active treatment is over and I am expected to return to normal life. This is going to take me a while. I still have side effects from Chemo in terms of joint and bone pain and my bloody chemo brain. Radiotherapy will continue to give me side effects for a few months too. I also have to come to terms with the physical effects, my new shape, my battle scars and my dodgy hair cut. I'm now going to spend some time, nurturing myself, building up my stamina and doing some normal stuff that I have not been able to do during treatment. 

I originally started this blog because I was struggling to keep up with all the calls and texts when I was first diagnosed. It was my way of keeping everyone informed, but it soon turned into something else. It has helped me to keep sane and tip my head out. I do plan to continue with this blog for a little while. I don't plan on boring everyone with what I do next, but I would like to keep it going until the 6th March 2015, my cancerversay. 

Returning to normal life is scary, I've been on another planet for a while after all. I do wonder how I will cope. One day at a time I think.