Just Keep Swimming......

Wednesday 6th August

Well "T" certainly isn't a walk in the park. I can't believe I'm saying this but I actually think I prefer FEC!! "T" has pretty much been as described. Achey and painful. I'd imagine it is pretty similar to proper flu. Not nice. I've been really poorly but emotionally I've been ok this time around. I haven't had the energy to cry though to be honest.

I'm now on day 10 after treatment and starting to feel better. Well saying that I thought I felt better yesterday morning but then found myself crawling into bed in the afternoon. Apparently side effects come and go on this one. The fatigue has well and truly set in and I absolutely hate it. My mind is saying "yes" but my body is saying "not a chance", its really debilitating. 

I have been eating like a woman possessed on this round. Not sure why exactly but I reckon it has something to do with the steroids. Also food is really the only pleasure I've got whilst I'm stuck indoors feeling really ill. Apparently the average weight gain whilst going through chemo is 2 stone!!! Yes I was surprised too, you'd think that chemo would mean weight loss right? Wrong!! Apparently its all down to comfort eating and inactivity. I have not put any weight on so far though thank god. Breast Cancer is so cruel. It strips you of your femininity. No boobs, bald and fat, how shit is that.

I've been thinking a lot about my boobs lately. Prior to surgery I suppose I went into survival mode, I just wanted them off. I'm glad I felt like this, I know some women are so desperate to keep there boobs, that must be really hard for them, knowing they have no choice. But like I said at the time I didn't care. Now though I'm feeling sad about them, I kinda miss them. I look at photos of myself before all this happened and I am really surprised at my boobs. I didn't really give them much thought before. Yes I had lots of compliments about them, but these just went over my head. Now when I see them on photos I realise they were lovely, I had a really "great rack". What a shame. I was watching a TV programme last night where some bloke made a comment about a woman's boobs and it really chocked me. It has been pointed out to me that now I'm thinking about my boobs in this way it means I'm "moving on", and I suppose that's true. Is this a good thing? I don't know, just part of the process I guess.

Anyway a Breast Cancer diagnosis does not mean you will lose your boobs if it is detected early enough. So check, check and check again.