Kim Gets Her First Tattoo!!!

Tuesday 23rd September

I've always fancied a tattoo, but I never imagined that my first tattoo would be a black dot in the centre of my chest and in my armpit. These dots are my markers for Radiotherapy.

I went for my planning session this morning. Had a CT Scan and was measured up for Radiotherapy. This involved lying on a slab with my arms in stirrups and two radiographers moving me around until I was "in position". This took a good 20 minutes and then numpty here decided to scratch her nose!!! I heard an almighty "no!! you must keep still" and so the process started again. Whoops.

I then got my tattoo's so the radiotherapy machine knows where to blast me. The tattoo's are actually tiny, only I could find them. Radiotherapy will start on the 6th October.

Talking of tattoos, this is just one item on my bucket list. I've always fancied one but have never liked the idea of being 60 years old with a tattoo. Plus I suppose I just didn't have the balls. How things change, firstly as its highly unlikely I will make it to the age of 60 (I'm not being negative I'm being realistic) I might as well go for it. Also if there is one thing that being diagnosed with cancer gives you its balls. Balls to do those things that you always wanted to do but just didn't have the confidence, motivation or drive to do. I really think that all this will make me quite fearless. I have realised that life really is too short. Don't get me wrong, I can't see myself jumping out of a plane any time soon, but I think that in the future I will do things I would usually shy away from without stressing about the possible consequences. This is one thing I have been guilty of, I've always been a bit too sensible, too careful, too shy.

I had another appointment yesterday, this was to discuss my pending reconstruction. I didn't like going back the the Breast Clinic as this is where it all started, it brings back horrible memories. 

I had decided that I would go for the easiest option in terms of reconstruction as I had a really hard time after my mastectomy. I just wanted the quickest and easiest operation available. The consultant however had other ideas. She really put me off the easiest option (implants) for various reasons. And so I sobbed.

She had a look at my belly and back and said that I didn't have enough tissue to take from those areas, which is surprising really considering my chemo weight, I feel like a right bloater at the mo. She said that it would have to come from my thighs. Shit. I really don't like the thought of this, we are talking a nine hour operation. She said that she would refer me to a plastic surgeon who I will see in about 6 months time. She said "you are at your weakest and most vulnerable state right now, in every way, so lets talk about it again in 6 months and you might feel differently". Lets see hey.

As for my final round of chemo, well........it was an absolute doddle compared to the previous two. I had some pain but nowhere near as bad as before. I do wonder if this was psychological though as I knew that I didn't have to do it again. The difference with this round is the fatigue. It has hit me like a sledgehammer. 

Chemotherapy induced fatigue is apparently different to normal fatigue. It is described as "a tiredness which is not relieved by sleep". Its a strange kind of tired though. My mind is quite active, slow due to my brain being frazzled by the chemo but still active, my body however is knackered. Its really hard to describe. After a little task like washing the dishes or taking a shower I have to rest and wait for another burst of energy. I feel like I'm walking through treacle, everything is an effort. Unfortunately the side effect from radiotherapy is fatigue. So that's fatigue on top of fatigue, that'll be fun, shit! I just hope it doesn't last too long.

To celebrate finishing the end of chemo I am having a weekend away with my besties. This weekend has been funded by the Willow Foundation who provide "special days" for people under the age of 40 who are seriously ill or have a life threatening illness. They have kindly arranged a weekend in a beautiful cottage in Stratford Upon Avon for me and seven of my mates!!! How amazing is that!!! I'm really looking forward to spending time with my mates and hopefully feeling like a normal human being again. I'll let you know how it goes.

I haven't reminded you to check your boobs for a while, sorry!!! BOOB CHECK!!!!